“It costs nought to be nice” Granny told me
She was wrong then, I’m sure you’ll agree,
I’d to bite my tongue often
‘Cos her cookin’ was boughen’
I’m sure she was poisonin’ me.
“There’s nought worse than waste” said my Granny
“Have you tried your rice pudding?” I’d say.
She’d then clip my ear
T’d be days till I’d hear
Still I’d throw out that pudding each day.
“Do you want my recipes?” Granny asked me,
“Not really,” I’d honestly say.
“Your porridge is runny
The cheese sauce tastes funny
With no salt but with sugar instead.”
“Many poor folk would be happy
To eat such a wonderful meal.”
“So make sure they get it?
Just don’t ever let it
Touch my plate: no never!” I’d squeal.
The world’s worst cook was my Granny
But she certainly didn’t teach me!
But my sister learnt from her,
Don’t go there for dinner
Nor breakfast, for lunch or for tea.